Diamonds & Rust
by aliceinforks
Summary: It has been a year since Edward disappeared from Bella's life. As she continues to slip into madness, Jacob makes a promise to help Bella overcome her grief, no matter what direction it takes them in. R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

Diamonds & Rust

Chapter One

Almost a year had passed and every second of the day was still a struggle. The nights passed slowly and painfully and with each new moon, the blood which once was a clear indicator of my emotions hardened within my veins, leaving me as nothing more than a solid outer shell. My life had stopped dead on the day that he left me.

"Bella, breakfast time!" Charlie called from downstairs. He sounded abnormally cheerful today. Although Charlie always was weary of...him, he hadn't sounded this happy all year. I dragged myself to the top of the stairs and looked out the window. The sky was black. Midnight breakfast? I could hear Charlie's snoring coming from the other room. Utterly confused, I figured that I must be dreaming. I glanced down the stairs quickly and caught him out of the corner of my eye. Standing at the bottom of the stairs was an angel. A devil. An angel that shattered my heart into pieces and left my life in desolation. A devil who I'd gladly give my life up for if I could only steal one touch in return. I tumbled down the stairs after him and fell into a heap at the foot of the bottom step – there was no Edward. As I lay there, the pain seemed to soar straight from my crooked ankle and up my battered leg to saturate every atom of my existence and escape in the form of a single teardrop from my tightly shut eyes. I would not cry. I held myself tight as if trying to keep the pain inside – it was all I had left.

"Bella?!" Charlie was always there to rescue me after these episodes which were becoming more frequent as time progressed. "Oh god, Bella! Are you ok? Can you hear me?" The terror was apparent in his voice. I nodded but refused to loosen the grip I had on myself. "Do you think you broke anything?" No answer. "Please Bella, help me out this time."

"I'm fine, Charlie" I spat out in a regretful tone as I sprang upward on my twisted ankle and ran back up to my room, slamming the door behind me. None of this was his fault, but I kept taking my embarrassment and anger about these delusions out on Charlie. I could hear his strained breathing emanating from behind my bedroom door. He wouldn't knock, but he'd probably end up setting up camp and falling asleep in the hallway – just in case I would decide to chase after Edward again tonight.

_It will be as if I never existed. _I wish it could have been that easy. As precious as I held each memory of every second that had passed between us, this insanity was becoming too much to bear. I needed the madness because it was my only remaining connection to the most meaningful influence in my life…but he wasn't coming back. He wasn't ever coming back and a part of me knew that unless my hallucinations would end up taking me into oncoming traffic or jumping off a rocky cliff end ending my "life," I was too weak to give in and consciously end it myself. The part of me that yearned for survival wished that the dominant part of my mind could just forget that he had ever happened.

Nauseated. Weak. Pathetic. My arms held no comparison to the stone arms of a vampire as I tried desperately to hug myself back into my anesthetized state and rid myself of this consuming panic. The hinges of my window creaked as I swung them open and a shudder coursed through my body as I recalled how Edward had always made sure to oil them nightly before stalking in to watch me sleep. He didn't love me anymore – this was just another reminder.

It was a ten foot drop to the wet ground below my window. I edged out and shortened that length by hanging before I let go. Sore ankles. Cold and muddy in my shorts and ragged t-shirt, I started running. Running from these memories? Running in search of their source? Running in circles? I couldn't be sure. For now, I just had to run.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The already tattered door caught in the wind as he flung it open and pulled me inside. "What the hell are you doing here? How did you get here?" Without giving me any time to answer, he pushed me toward his bedroom, sat me on the bed and ran to get a blanket. When he returned, he wrapped me tight and sat on the floor, apparently speechless. Minutes passed as we sat there, staring at each other. Neither of us had anything to say. Neither of us had to say a thing. His stomach jolted inward as if he was about to be sick and his head dropped. When he lifted it again, his face was glistening with tears.

"Why are you here, Bella?" Jacob asked, his voice trembling.

"I don't even remember how I got here."

"Why do you think you ran here, of all the places you could have gone to hide, to escape, to find refuge? Why here?" He seemed very uncomfortable as he made his way off the floor and onto the bed beside me.

I swallowed but gave no response.

"That's fine. Great. I'm glad you came here. You want to just lie down and try to rest?"

"Yeah, thanks Jake. Y-you know, we could share the bed this time."

He looked shocked. How could I blame him? Up until this point, I hardly let anyone touch me at all and every time I chose to end up here, he'd sleep on the wooden floor.

"Ugh, sure." He jumped in next to me as if there was nothing to be worried about – no risk of my emotions snapping at any given time. His bare leg grazed mine as he made himself comfortable. His hot, steady breath hit the back of my neck at constant intervals as he fell asleep beside me. I could feel my tension release with each breath. He wasn't cold and he wasn't delicate but he was here – my buddy – my Jake.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Well hello, beautiful. A first night of many, I'm sure. I always knew you had a thing for me, Bella."

Heh. "Hi, Jake. Don't get too full of yourself. I just used you for fantastic comforting abilities. Think of it as a booty call; only substitute the soothing sound of your snoring for the booty."

"Humor?" He smiled wide, comfortably showing off all of his teeth. He jumped out of bed and began enthusiastically wagging his ass in front of my face. "You know you want this, Bella!"

The ass shaking continued as I gathered my balance and left the room. I wanted to sneak away without Billy seeing me and Jake was making too much noise. It was still early. I could get home before Charlie would go into a panic.

Jacob followed me outside, silently dancing all the way to his beat up old Volkswagen Rabbit. He hopped into the driver's seat without bothering to hold the passenger door for me. I couldn't expect him or anyone else to be as chivalrous as Edward had been…but he did know how to make me laugh.

Once the wiggling ceased, we didn't speak until we were well out of La Push and out of hearing distance. "Thanks again, Jake."

He sighed. "Look, Bella. I don't care about my sleep and it's nothing that you have to thank me for. As horrible as it is that you are going through this, I love that you keep showing up at my doorstep four nights out of seven. I just wish that you would be doing it for different reasons. I want to be the one you're running after. You know this, already. You'll always be welcome no matter what your motivation is…but especially after last night…feeling your body relax beside mine…I'll always want you, Bella…and I know that I'm good for you. I don't know what I'm saying…" He trailed off and his forehead wrinkled with stress – a feeling Jacob rarely expressed.

Minutes passed before I replied. "You are good for me. I just can't…I don't know how…I'm not ready. I don't think I'll ever be ready, Jake. The thought of moving on from him makes me feel like I might die. I know I've gone mental since he left. I know that this isn't normal post break-up behavior. But…nothing about him was normal…and I wasn't just broken up with…I was abandoned and had any evidence of his existence thieved away from me…made to look like a crazy person. I'm a self-fulfilling prophesy. I'm a mess. I'm psychotic…literally…and I can never be fixed."

"I'll love you no matter what you are. I'll never leave you." He tried to say those words as gently as possible but I could see anger building up inside of him as his hands began to tremble and his face turned red from holding his breath. "And look at what you've admitted to, Bella! He was a monster! He toyed with you and set you up for failure – for this insanity! How could he have ever done that after getting to know how wonderful you are…I could just….I wish he _would_ come back. I would give myself up just for one punch. I could –" He stopped abruptly when he saw the sickened and offended look on my face. As badly as Edward hurt me, I would not permit anyone to speak poorly of him. My heart still clung to the sound of his name. It would not be used in a demeaning way. "Sorry, Bells." He muttered.

I nodded and left it at that until the car pulled up to the house. "Bye, Jake" I whispered and shut the door before he had a chance to respond.

Charlie's snoring still resonated from the upstairs hall.


End file.
